Some Choppy Water and a Couple of Icebergs

[Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players' conference]
Larry: Excuse me, but what the hell's going on out here?
Crash Davis: Well, Nuke's scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man's here. We need a live... is it a live rooster?
[Jose nods]
Crash Davis: . We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.
[to the players]
Crash Davis: Is that about right?
[the players nod]
Crash Davis: We're dealing with a lot of shit.

For those of you who know the movie well enough, you know that’s from the movie Bull Durham. And if you didn’t know that, it means you haven’t seen the movie or not for a while anyway. Well, despite being over 20 years old it holds up pretty well, so take the time to put it in your Netflix queue. In fact, stop reading this and if you can find an actual video store rent it, then come back.

Anyway, I think that summarizes the last few weeks for us. We’ve been dealing with a lot of shit. It hasn’t been fun. Two weeks ago we got the initial bid package from our builder…and it was high. Really high. Too high. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Acceptance. We went through them, the four of us did. Some at different speeds than others. And over the next week or so we were all over the place. Cut. Start over. Wait. Give up. We ran through it all. And to be honest, the whole plan went from life support to flatlining for just a little while. We talked about just walking away from the whole plan and going our separate ways. But instead of swimming towards the light we stayed put. There’s still plenty of work to do (and plenty of shit to deal with) but we’re feeling better about it.

I told myself when I decided to blog about this I would try to share the good with the bad. So here’s some more detail on the problems we’ve been having and how we’ve been dealing with them.

Switching Our Land Plan
I think it’s a little funny the first post of this blog is entitled “We Have Land!” because, well, we don’t. Or we kinda have some land we don’t want and are close on some land we do want. Let me explain. We had some land locked up north of Brownsburg. We pushed the close date way out (July 15) from the agreement date because we wanted to skip the lot loan and go right into the construction loan, saving us a set of closing costs. (Tom’s idea, and a damn good one) To get a construction loan you need your plans complete so they can be appraised. So we started working on plans a few months ago. At the same time we all sold our houses and moved to our apartments in Zionsville – Gretchen and Tom the first of May and us mid-June. Gretchen really fell in love with Zionsville and also voiced reservations regarding how far out in the country the Brownsburg land is (about a 20 minute drive from “town”). There was, however, some land outside of Zionsville that was up for auction many months ago and has still not sold. So it was decided that we bail on the Brownsburg property and go after the Zionsville property. But the guy that owns the Brownsburg property wasn’t too thrilled about this as you can imagine. And as we have a contract with him and this is America we were afraid he would sue us. In fact, we still are. He still hasn’t signed the mutual release, even though signing it allows him to collect the $1,000 earnest money and an additional $1,000 we are throwing in “at his request”. So this dude is just being difficult and making it hard for us to move on. We do have a contingency in our new land (with a close date of August 31) that lets us out if we don’t have that mutual release signed. But what are we supposed to do? He won’t even get back to his own realtor. I think we should leave sleeping dogs lie and not provoke this guy. More to come on this, but much to our chagrin we still have a purchase agreement in place for a piece of land we don’t want. Not fun.

Over Budget – What To Do?
If you have had a chance to review the plans in previous posts, you might be close to as excited as I am about the house. I’m sorry to give you the bad news, but we can’t afford that house. We dove into the budget and started cuttingcuttingcutting. No frills. Smaller basement. Vinyl siding instead of cement-board. Cut money out of the cabinet budget. Cut money out of the flooring budget. Cut money out of the (gulp) appliance budget. At some point you aren’t cutting flesh any more – you’re cutting bone. We hit that point and said “stop!” We were headed toward a big box with lousy fixtures and a dirt yard for the kids to play in ‘cause we can’t afford grass seed.

So after we made it through the aforementioned stages of grief we circled the wagons and had some good dialogue. We’re cutting square footage. We’re cutting much of the meat. But we’re confident we will end up with a house we can afford and a house we like – maybe one that could use some more space and one that could use better faucets, but a really good start. We should see a revised sketch of a floor plan and a revised budget sometime next week.

Money
This is America and we don’t talk about money here. Sure, we all know what Alfonso Soriano, Kosuke Fukudome and Carlos Zambrano make (fellow Cubs fans just punched a wall) but the rest of us don’t talk about what we make, how we spend it, how much debt we have, how much we have in savings. It’s The Big Secret in American communities. If you think about it, that’s one of the reasons our cohabitation adventure seems weird. “Wait, they are going to have to manage money together, aren’t they? How will that happen? What if one family makes more than the other? What if one family wants to borrow against the house and the other doesn’t? What if Tom wants to get NFL Ticket and Sarah says it’s ridiculous, for Pete’s sake!” Excellent points, actually. And something we’re working through. We’re aware money is the #1 reason couples fight and a leading cause of divorce, and we know we need to have open conversations about money between the four of us. This is easier said than done as we have found out. The over-budget bid tested our mettle when it came to this. I’m sure many of you would agree when it comes to a house purchase there are a few different budgets:
1. There is what you would like to pay for a house, leaving enough money to still have some left over for savings, college accounts, etc.
2. There is what you can afford for a house if you really stretched it, assuming nothing bad happens and you get the raises you think you will get over the next couple years.
3. There is what your real estate agent thinks you can afford as they keep showing you houses that you would be crazy to buy yet they are beautiful and make the houses in the two aforementioned bullets look like crap. Finally you have to be a dick and say “how about showing me something I can afford, jackass. Oh, and why do you guys all drive Saab’s, Audi’s and Volvo’s?” (note: our real estate agents are not like this, and I’m not just saying that because they may be reading this. If you need an outstanding real estate agent in Minneapolis, I highly recommend Charly Marggraf with Edina Realty. My talented sister-in-law Cyndi Gudac Ribolzi will take great care of you on Chicago’s North side, and our Indianapolis agent Jim Schleuter with FC Tucker will do right by you, I swear. Oh, and Charley drives a Saab, Cyndi an Audi and Jim a Volvo.)
4. And then of course there is the “someday” house. Which, if you really think about it, would probably be way too much house and more work than you wanted to do. Plus you have to buy all that furniture to fill it. Even if you could afford it you probably shouldn’t ‘cause it’s just silly. But nice to dream about.

Most of us buy the house behind Door #2. My point is that many of us are pushing it. And it’s one thing to push it with your own family, but a whole other game of Parcheesi to do it with another family. Like today I was watching the two youngest – son Frankie and nephew Charlie – at the small playground at our apartment building today. I took a phone call and let Charlie get away from me a bit and he fell off the equipment face-first into the gravel. It’s one thing to be a dumbass on my cell phone and let my toddler do a face plant, but a different thing to do it with my nephew, right? You feel worse. Because you know you have a bigger responsibility with others than with your own. The same thing with this house. Just as the return has the potential to be really great, so does the risk.

So you should know that it’s not all puppy dogs and rainbows on this project, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. And you should also know that we’re getting through it. And if you did in fact see Bull Durham you also remember that candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em.

Berry Obsessed

I don't know, it's like some sort of compulsion or fetish or something. When I drive by a hand painted "u-pick" sign on a county road it takes everything in me not to slam on the brakes and thow it in reverse. Usually Dan is with me and he is not such a fan of picking berries (he's totally a party-pooper) so I don't get to stop nearly as often as I'd like, but the other day it was just the kids and I when I saw it, a sign for u-pick blueberries. I don't know if you have ever picked blueberries but it is wonderful. Hands down the best berry to pick. The bushes are upright so you don't have to sit on your knees or break your back bending over and there are no thorns! We checked it out and decided to come back when we could bring Gretchen, Noah and Charlie. We returned the next day and picked 10 pounds. Can I just say it again, I love picking berries -- the kids running from row to row with their little buckets or baskets, the sunshine, the amazing taste of a fresh picked berry compared to store-bought...need I say more.


When we went to weigh our blue bounty, I had a chance to talk to the farmer. He used to grow corn, but always had one area where his crop never grew more than a couple of feet high. "I finally tested the soil," he said "and it was just too acidic for corn." He thought about adding some lime to the soil to change the Ph but his wife suggested they try growing something that likes acidic soil. They looked it up and it was either azaleas or blueberries. "We didn't know what we'd do with all those azaleas, so we planted blueberries." 25 years later, the 300 blueberry plants he put in by hand are still there and giving plenty of fruit.



Talking to Gretchen on the way home the question wasn't IF we should plant blueberries on the land but how many. Is 100 plants excessive?

So, two gluten-free coffee cakes and one pie later, we were left with more fresh blueberries than anyone should probably eat. But I can't get enough of them. Fresh, local and pick by hand, my hands.

Gretchen's Blueberry Pie

My Gluten-free Blueberry Coffee Cake

Not in the same house yet, but in the same apartment complex.

I was working on a big old blog post but it was becoming way too verbose and taking me way too long so here’s some quick hits on what has been going on with us since we landed in Indiana and both families settled in across the courtyard from one another in our temporary apartment digs. There’s lots of interesting news on the house and land, so look for another post yet this week.

Saturday was a really good day. Tom and I went and played nine holes of golf in the morning. We played at 7AM and walked. There’s a cheap nine-hole course at the north end of town – ten bucks a piece. OK course. We didn’t keep score. Of course, we couldn’t find anywhere to get a bloody Mary at 9AM, which is a problem. After that we got a couple errands done while waiting for Sarah and Gretchen to return from the farmer’s market with the kids. Then we had lunch and Sarah took Grace to Conner Prairie (www.connorprairie.org) while the rest of us went to the pool for a little while. Then I brought Frederick and Frankie back to our apartment and let them spend some time on the computer while I folded laundry and prepped dinner while the World Cup was on. (note about the World Cup. You know the old fridge light thing? Does it really shut off when you close the door? That’s how the World Cup has been at our apartment. The minute Sarah leaves the apartment I turn it on, then shut it off before she gets home. What can I say. Plus I think the vuvuzelas help relax the kids in some Zen-African kind of way). Anyway, we had a great dinner. We had some chicken and green beans to go with our first good farmer’s market corn-on-the-cob of the year. Then for dessert a blueberry pie Gretchen baked with homemade ice cream. (the girls and the kids went blueberry picking Friday morning) Super good. A really good day and a typical day lately.

Meals together. I assumed we would eat some meals together but I didn’t know how much. The answer is – lots. Pretty much every dinner. Most lunches. And the occasional breakfast. This has been pleasantly surprising. The meal itself is a bit frenetic – we don’t have the table or the room to hold us all, and the kids are so young it’s just a lot. And Kid A wants to sit by Parent A but Kid B wants to sit by Kid C and Parent B and … seriously. But after the meal we realize new benefits. Two of us clear the table, put away any leftovers (not many with 9 of us) and do the dishes while the other two entertain the children. You end up only having dishes at your house every other night and the dishes get done before the kids are down, not after. Big difference. (Lots of you with young children are nodding your heads right now, eh?)

Date night. When Sarah and I made the move, Tom and Gretchen said “you two are going to dinner tomorrow night on us” and we said “great!” Since then Friday night has been date night. We alternate nights – Sarah and I go out one week and Tom and Gretchen cook for the kids, then we reverse it the next Friday. We make homemade pizzas with the kids, which is a pretty surefire meal with not too much cleanup. This has been great. Wonderful. Sarah and I knew we weren’t doing this enough in MN. Though we won’t be going to a nice sit-down dinner every time (I think Tom and Gretch are playing tennis this Friday – exercise and more in-budget) it will be great to have a standing date. This kicks ass.

There is a pool. Our apartment complex has an outdoor swimming pool. It’s a nice pool. Children + apartments + hot summer = high need for pool. It’s been great. We might need to get one of these with our house (not in the budget, but maybe someday. J)

Shirtless men. Sarah thinks men should only have their shirts off in public for the following reasons – you are at the beach or a public pool, you are jogging or playing basketball, you are roofing a house and it is above ninety degrees. In fact, she thinks you should follow these rules around the house too. She thinks it’s strange when men have their shirt off, say, walking around a neighborhood or grilling in the backyard. She thinks it’s REALLY strange for you to be driving your car or truck without a shirt on. There hasn’t been a lot of people driving around without a shirt on, but it only takes one or two now doesn’t it?

Food and finances. We recently opened a checking and savings account…and a checking and savings account…and a checking and savings account. I have now coined the term “uber-savings” and “uber-checking” accounts as the term “joint-checking/savings” describes an account between you and your spouse and doesn’t fully encompass an account that all four of us can access. We opened these right away for two reasons – 1) we’re already writing checks for the property (architect, surveyor) and thus want to establish the uber savings, and 2) as we are having meals together we want to start managing a single food budget. The food budget is interesting as though we are eating most of our meals together we have two separate apartments. We’ll keep you updated as to how this is working out. Oh, and we started using an online organizer thingy called www.cozi.com. It allows us to develop a “master calendar” that all of us can access. Sarah and Gretch have the app on their iPhone. Gretch is using it for menu planning and I’m trying to put my travel schedule in there. Grace is already in some camps (horse, soccer) and those are in there as well. We’ll let you know how it’s working as well.

Autos. We’ve been talking a bit about autos. Between the two families we have two vans and two beaters. Tom also has a motorcycle. Each family has a minivan, and Tom and I coincidentally enough drive the cars our wives drove when we first met them (and now would prefer not to drive). But we’ve been talking about what we need – both now and once we’re in one house. I could see us driving these beaters until they die and once both have left us we just buy one used car to share. I’ve been biking to the library to work and Tom drives his motorcycle to work quite a bit, so I think dropping a car is pretty reasonable. Tom would probably lobby for a truck, but I would really like an old El Camino – that way I could drive around with my shirt off. Sarah doesn’t think that’s funny. Except when I suggested it would be weird if both Tom and I were in the El Camino with our shirts off. She thought that was funny in an uncomfortable kind of way.

An active lifestyle. One of the things I really wanted to do when moving to Indy is to live a more active lifestyle. It’s not just about exercising, though Tom and I have joined a gym and are (trying to) work out. But I want to make sure the kids grow up in an environment where exercise and activity are a part of their lifestyle. This – despite the scorching weather – has been a pleasant surprise. Tom and Gretchen are good about planning activity into our days. Bike rides and walks, trips to parks, swimming, ball in the yard. We went to a great state park on Saturday and did some serious hiking. This has been great and I hope it continues.

Apartment living. Great to be back in an apartment! (sarcasm noted) It hasn’t been too bad, but just a little weird. It’s also a good exercise in reminding you what you do/don’t want in the home you are building (for instance, I like sinks that I can actually get a pot under the faucet. I know, I’m totally high-maintenance.) We have ants. (carpeting in the dining room is great!) I already locked up the garbage disposal. Our dishwasher is worthless (wait, so was the one in our house that we paid like $900 for). And then there is the recycling, or may I say the lack thereof…(Dan steps back, pours the rest of his beer into his glass, pushes up his sleeves and prepares to rant) OK, this isn’t an Indiana vs. Minnesota thing, because I’m sure this goes on in MN as well. I think it’s an apartment building thing. They don’t recycle. How can you not recycle? Haven’t we made this move as a society? Are people really not recycling still? It’s like when you get in the car with another adult and they don’t put on their seatbelt. What are you doing? Put on your seatbelt. This isn’t 1978. We all wear our seatbelts now. It’s not square – it keeps you from being thrown from the vehicle and dying. Put your seatbelt on. Is recycling not there yet? Anyway, I’m sure it costs the apartment building like seven bucks a month per unit to recycle and they don’t think they could get it back in rent so they just don’t do it. This sucks. I’m writing a letter.

That’s it for now. More to come on the land itself. We are also seeing “pre-bids” on the house and will see if we are on-budget. Let us know if you have any questions about our living together planning and we’ll try to answer them.